Friday, October 8, 2010

Missing Mama

I am missing my mother today. I am beat down and tired. Humble and exhausted. Eliza still isn't sleeping at night and I don't have the energy to get up with her anymore. Thankfully I have a husband that will. Usually when I get this low I just drop to my knees in prayer and God lifts me back up - so let's hope that's what His plan is today.

So.....I miss my mama. There are so many times in my life that I come to a stop and miss her more deeply than others. Today is one of those days. So while I don't have much to write about, I do want to remember that right now is hard.

We are leaving today to spend the weekend with Chris's family as we celebrate a wedding. I think weddings are such joyous times when two families officially become one. When cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents that you haven't seen in months, possibly years come to rejoice together that another phase of a family members life is taking off in a new direction. We gather around them to support them on their special day and to also let them know that we are there to support them for years to come. And while all this is going to be wonderful and I can't wait to see everyone, I am also dreading being in a hotel room with Eliza. Sad. I know this. I have no idea what the next two nights are going to be like with her but if the past week is any indication, there is going to be a lot of crying and very little sleeping. Which isn't setting too well with my soul right now.

Which brings me back to my mama. If she were still here I could call her today and cry and tell her I am worried about sleep deprivation and depression. That I need her to be my cheerleader right now. And she would. She would even show up and just be there with me. She would know how hard it is and she would hug me and tell me I am doing a great job. And she would wipe my tears and stay up all night with me.

So there ya go. This is hard. This mothering thing. This up all night thing. This no sleep for a week thing. This missing my mama thing.

And I want to remember the hard things as well as the easy things. Because let's just be honest, very little about mothering falls under the easy column.

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