Thursday, December 3, 2009

Be Still and know that I Am

Like I posted yesterday, this is my struggle right now. Trying to be still and know that He is. Where do you go to be still when sleep continues to elude you and it seems every waking moment you have is spent breaking up WrestleMania cage matches, refereeing who gets the light saber or clone trooper gun next, fulfilling an endless demand for snacks and Owen's hourly "I'm thirsty." Oh, and a 4 1/2 month old that just LOVES to nurse.

Be still and know that I Am.

Ok - the bathroom? Well, maybe but it isn't exactly comfortable or serene. But I suppose God never said be still in the temple, he just said be still.

A yoga instructor I had several years ago, you know, before children began to monopolize my life, once told me she did her instructor training at an ashram on Paradise Island in the Bahamas. Conveniently located close to a nightclub. When all the students arrived for the training, the swami told them if they could be still here at his ashram, they could be still anywhere. They would practice late into the night when the nightclub was in full swing so that each student had to find their quiet among the drunken party goers. Which was exactly the point.

Be still and know that I Am.

Chris asked me what I wanted for Christmas this morning and I told him if he could send me to an ashram in India or a monestery in Tibet for a month, I would think that would be incredible. He said if that would make you happy, but what he was really saying was you are kidding right? Admittedly, I am sure I would miss the chaos and in a crazy way, I probably thrive on it. But for the first couple of days - wow - silence.

So when I go home to the children this afternoon and recall that Owen was up crying at 3am and didn't go back to sleep until 4am and I was up and at'em at 5am, I am going to try to dig deep within myself to find my patience and grace to be the mother that my children think I am. When really, I just want a nap.

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