We have been struggling the past week to hold it together which is why I haven't taken the time to blog in a several days. Eliza started day care last week and lasted 3 days before she was home sick and if you have ever had a sick baby you know if a sick baby ain't sleepin', ain't nobody sleepin'. On top of that, she had her 6 month shots last week and she is cutting her 6th tooth. I feel like I am in the trenches. Last night she was up around midnight and then every hour thereafter. I finally put her in bed with me because at least then I could turn her on her side, support her with one hand while patting her back with the other all the while remaining in a laying down position. I am not close to exaggerating when I say I am tired. And really, tired doesn't describe it.
Saturday night I told myself "Self, you are going to church in the morning." And I was. I was ready. And then sometime in the middle of the night there was a wreck that by the sound of the sirens felt as if it occurred in my front yard. Loud. Sirens. Sirens that wake a baby from a sleep. Sirens that wake a 4 year old from a sleep. And then just when all the sirens stop and you think it must be over, there must have been someone injured because they start up again, presumably from an ambulance driving away. Only it sounded like they were parked in my front yard instead of driving to a hospital. The wreck must have hit an electric pole because our electricity was out and a few hours later when it came back on, our alarm system had to be set because it was beeping as if it wanted our attention too. I am telling you folks, if you ever want to see the devil at work, make up your mind that you are going to do something for the glory of God. He will come out to play, I promise you that.
We may have gone back to sleep around 4 or 5am and I was done for the day on Sunday. I didn't make it to church and the devil had his day. But I have told myself that God "gets me." He knows the sleep deprivation I am undergoing right now. He knows that I have days that I am holding onto a rope that is unraveling right beneath my fingers. So He knows I have days that all I can do is show up. I show up for my bible study. I show up for my daily lessons. I show up to pray. And I do it with an open heart. I show up.
Tonight was bible study and I told the women in my class about it, so watch out devil, I have 25 women praying that I can get my act together, shoes on my children and out the door Sunday morning. :-)
One of the things we talked about tonight and something that has been really heavy on my heart for a few weeks now is the idea that we are waiting on a sign. Show me a sign God. What do you want me to be doing right now? Show me a sign God. Where do you want my life to go? Show me a sign God. And this is where I have to laugh because I always think about Jeff Foxworthy and his "Here's Your Sign" jokes. I digress.
But when I think about this, I can't help but think that God is saying
"Hey, Tricia, you see that baby girl you are rocking? Here's Your Sign."
"Hey, Tricia, you see those boys giggling and playing? Here's Your Sign."
"Hey, Tricia, you see that husband that I have given you? Here's Your Sign."
So what are you waiting for? Stop waiting for a SIGN. This is your sign. Your sign is everything that you have been blessed with that is now referred to as your life. And if you keep sitting there waiting for a sign, your life is going to pass you right by.
So that's what is on my heart tonight. I have a few things to post about Eliza in a few minutes, but you will have to excuse me while I go try to quieten Owen as he is in his room talking to himself saying "Are you listening to me?" "You are not going to get a treat if you keep this up." I wonder where he gets that from?