Friday, January 29, 2010

I'm Just the Co-Pilot

I know you have seen these before; most commonly on bumper stickers I would imagine. But I am going to tell you some stories that will prove to you that God is definitely not my co-pilot, but rather, I am just riding shot gun.

Most of you know, when I went back to work in October Chris and I were working what I call a split schedule. I would go in at 6am and work until noon in the office and then finish my day at home and he would go in at noon and work until 8pm. I was getting up around 5am and getting to work right around 6 or 6.15. The world is very dark at that time of day. There were a few parking lot street lamps but not much and often times the lights on the side walk leading to the door weren't on either. To say I was nervous being out and about at that hour is an understatement, but I did what I had to do to keep Eliza home and out of day care for an extra 3 months. After all, I am known around these parts as mom.

About a month or two into this schedule I arrived one morning at the same time and the sun was coming up. Hmmm....I remember thinking, that's a really pleasant surprise. The world was waking up with me, the orange of the sun was gorgeous. I remember feeling more secure about walking into the building. The next morning the same thing. It occurred to me that day, that I had Someone watching over me. I thought, God is doing this for little ole me so that I am not nervous. I even told someone at work about it. I thought it was pretty amazing. But it gets better. Just as quickly as the sun greeted me those mornings, my mornings turned back to dark. No sunrise at 6am.

I know what you are thinking, daylight savings time. But no, it went from pitch dark at 6am to sun rising at 6am to back to pitch dark. I never checked the news to see when the sunrise or sunsets were supposed to be during those days. I didn't have to.

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.
Genesis 28:15


Now fast forward to this week. My bible study has started back up on Tuesday nights and the idea is to get you in the habit of spending about 30 minutes a day in prayer or learning from the bible. You go to class on Tuesday, then have a lesson 5 days out of the week and Sunday for church. I have had a hard time setting aside 30 minutes a day for my daily lesson and it isn't just for the daily lesson - I have a hard time setting aside time to do anything that is selfishly just for me; exercise is another example. Let's just be honest. By the time I get the boys in bed around 8.30 or 9pm I don't have much left in me to give to anything.

So I have been thinking this week how great it would be if I would just get up an hour earlier. I would have 30 minutes to walk and 30 minutes for my lesson. But really - if I get any less sleep than I already get, I might as well not even go to bed. Eliza's sleeping has been less than stellar lately with all the teeth and having a cold. However, even though she has been waking up around midnight to come to bed with us, she typically sleeps beyond the 6am hour. Get this - the past 2 mornings she has woken up at 5am. Not only has she woken up but I have been awake and not just groggy awake and needing to go back to sleep, but awake and feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, I didn't "get it" until today at work. And it hit me, He has heard my thoughts of wanting to get up earlier and He provided a gentle way for me to get up instead of hearing my alarm blaring at 5am. Only, I wasn't receptive. I didn't get the magnitude of what was happening until today.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
Matthew 7:7


And finally, yesterday I received a phone call from day care to tell me that one of the girls that was feeding Eliza a bottle didn't put the cap on the bottle tight enough and about 5 ounces of breastmilk spilled on her and was wasted. Now, that may not seem like a very big deal, but pumping breastmilk is not fun. Nothing about it is fun. And now that I am not doing it anymore the milk that I have frozen in our deep freezer is very precious to me and I want to see to it that Eliza is able to remain on breastmilk for about another month using it. So when 5 ounces is wasted it is a big deal to me. When I went to school yesterday to pick her up, I saw the teacher that had the accident and she came up to me and apologized. I wasn't mean, but I wasn't forgiving or nice about it either. She assured me it wouldn't happen again and really, what more could have been done?

This morning when my sweet 5am alarm clock went off, I went downstairs to heat up a bottle for her. When it was ready I got it out of the warmer, put the lid on and came back upstairs to feed Eliza. She was eating and a few minutes into her eating I felt my arm and chest get really wet, I kind of pulled her away from me slightly so I could feel what it was (the lights were still off) and I was soaked. I looked down at the bottle and it was empty.

I had done the exact same thing as the teacher at day care. How about that for humility?

He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.
Proverbs 3:34

I know this post was long and maybe I should have broken these up into 3 separate posts but I felt they were all so closely related. When I write, whether it is about my children, my family, my faith or anything else that I happen to write about, I write what is on my heart as open and honest as I can. I hope you were able to stay with me.

My bible study this go around is He Speaks to Me. It is teaching us to open our minds and our hearts to hear what He has to say. Just as I said above, I struggle to find 30 minutes a day for my lesson but I know He is speaking to me and I know I am listening.

God is not my co-pilot but I am humbled He allows me to be His.


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